Right Speech- Commit to loving speech and deep listening

What we say matters, even how we say it matters. When our thinking is healthy we are tempted to speak about it. But remember that when thoughts leave our body as spoken words they take on a life of their own. We can't take them back. We too often say things that we are not sure of but say anyway. Now is the time to commit to loving speech that is based on things we know to be accurate. Writing is just one way of speaking. The core of speaking though is really listening first, not just to others words but to what they really mean. 

Often our words are shaped by our experience and not all of our experiences have been good. We sometime speak out of anger but most of the 'fighting words' are spoken out of fear. In our childhood we may have been in situations where we could not control our lives and those in control were not able to be kind or thoughtful. Those experiences form who we are and can impact us all through our lives. When we say things, even to the ones we love that are not kind this often comes from our fears that started back in our childhood. If we did not feel love we may still fear being alone, and the way we respond to some situations can be negative, even hostile. When I speak harshly to my son it is often because I am afraid that he will do something that will harm him. 

The photo is of a lake in Ladakh at just over 14,000 ft. On this side of the lake is India (where the people are standing). On the other side is China. If everyone committed to loving speech and deep listening the world would be a very different place.

And yet if I really listen to his words (and even more listen to his actions) I often see that I may not have understood what his intentions really were or that he was doing and saying things to protect himself from what he feared. Loving speech and deep listening are not just a good idea they are the only way we can truly communicate, otherwise we are just living in our own head, in our own past. When I am able listen to those I disagree with I can learn and they are more likely to be able to hear me. Even those people and groups you think you disagree with, listen deeply and you will find that often they are trying to say something you have trouble hearing, gun advocates for example. Part of what they are saying is that they feel vulnerable and that they want to protect those they love. If you can hear that you can have a conversation. And both learn more and be heard.